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Fun Night or Disaster

Friday, Nov 04, 2016

The age old tradition of the bucks’ night and hens’ night is still enjoyed by most couples before their marriage. Please be aware there have been some dreadful events ending relationships due to these nights.

While most of the nights go well. He gets together with his mates for some drinks and a night out. She gets together with the girls and enjoys her night out. Unfortunately, there can be some devastating events from these bucks and hens nights with people acting so badly, the wedding never occurs.

What is the reason we have these nights? It is said to have originally started in about 5th century BC when the Spartans celebrated with a feast so the man could enjoy his last night of freedom. The men would gather before the wedding to have dinner together and bond. Other stories suggest it was a way for the groom to say farewell to some outlandish or embarrassing friends he no longer wanted in his marital life or visiting his new shared home with his bride. Wherever it originated, it has changed and picked up momentum.

The hens’ night is a time to relax, unwind, enjoy friends and ignore the wedding jitters for a night. The hens’ night in most instances is a fun night with all the girls. The bridesmaids normally organise the night and activities. While it is becoming more common for male strippers or shows to be held on these nights, the night remains the bride-to-be night. In fact, some brides that have had these male visitors organised have been quite embarrassed and regretted their friend had arranged this. If you are arranging something for your friend, please be aware of her desire and choices. It is not appropriate to arrange these shows for yourselves as it is about the bride-to-be and if she says she would prefer no male strippers, then please honour that request. If however she is all for it, go for it.

Laughing friends at a hen night drinking cocktails and chatting

  Women certainly have the capacity to have a great night together celebrating, drinking, laughing, dancing, talking and sharing is always a great girls-night-out.   Regardless of how a couple chooses to spend their night, it is to mark the end of being single and the start of their new married life, entering into a newly committed partnership. It is a tradition of when friends came first but once married the partner now always takes precedence.

I recall a dreadful story of a couple that had their buck / hens night. I worked with this young woman; I was not even eighteen, so I couldn’t go out with all the girls. I remember she had a amazing girl’s night in the city visiting bars, dancing, wearing the veil with all her friends, the story was exciting. Her wedding was planned, and she was so very excited for the following week to arrive, where she would marry the man of her dreams. She knew her fiancé went to a strip club with mates, and she was upset, but she accepted it and went on to marry the man of her dreams. A few weeks later I arrived at work seeing her crying her heart out. I found out she had contracted an STD from him, after his bucks night. He got drunk, had sex with the stripper and contracted an STD which he then passed onto his new wife. The marriage ended that day, only a few weeks after it began.

I remember thinking even back then, why would a man, supposedly in love with his fiancé, bother going to a strip club let alone having sex with a random female only a week out from is marriage. There is no sense in that, only complete disrespect and stupidity. That poor girl, her entire world crashed down because of his irresponsible decision and that of his mates, to allow that to occur. On any bucks night the best man and groomsmen are supposed to look out for the groom, to protect him and keep him safe, even from himself if he is drunk. The groomsmen, in this case, failed very badly.

Image of pleased man hugging sexy stripper, on gray background I also know of a story of a hen’s night out where it went too far and the bride to be, had oral sex with the male stripper. When the groom discovered this because his mates’ girlfriend shared it, as they do, he called off the wedding in disgust. He said his trust was destroyed. She pleaded for forgiveness as she was drunk however the damage was too great, and the relationship ended.

Sometimes one night is all that is needed to change lives. Please think carefully about your bucks and hen’s night. I suggest if your partner was there seeing you act the way you are, would they like it? If not, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it. You are apparently a mature person, in love with a wonderful human being and about to marry; don’t destroy your future because of a dumb night out.

Go somewhere fun, exciting, or mischievous, drink too, celebrate away but please ask your friends to watch out for you and protect you. Yes, it is your special night but nowhere does it give you permission to act idiotic and without consideration for the person you are about to marry.

You are about to marry the person of your dreams. Nowhere does this mean you can’t spend a wild fun night with friends again? The bucks and hens is a party to dissolve the nerves before the big day. Enjoy it and prepare to share your life and love. Remember, nothing you do remains secret, there are phones, cameras, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc, etc, everywhere. You are always seen by someone.

Read more from Dr Karen and how to ensure your marriage starts and stays strong, happy and forever