Get Connected

The Importance of Touch

Friday, Apr 15, 2016

The reason Touch is so important

Many relationships struggle after a few years as couples become more routine in behaviour, busier in life and more active in their work. Where then can we find time for our partner, relationship, coupleness and ourself in this committed relationship?

Numerous couples complain about the lack of sex, no time together, loss of spontaneity; which all really means – we miss the ‘us.’We miss touch.

How then do we ensure we stay connected through our relationship as life becomes more demanding, children take so much time, work becomes exhausting, and then there is all the home and family tasks we must undertake. It is a wonder why any couples stay connected.

There are some ways to ensure you and your partner remain intimate, connected and close. One of the first things that goes in our life together is touch. Touch is vital; does not mean it should always lead to sex and is not done for any reason but to feel good, connect and remind your partner you are there for them and with them.

Touch can make us feel better, it can alleviate the challenge of the day, it can release the endorphins in our brain and create that feel good sensation we all need. How then should we touch to ensure we get all the good stuff without it leading to sex that I either am too busy for or not interested in every night?

Touch is important in most every aspect and while it can lead to sex, it certainly should not always, which is why touch often dissipates in a relationship – because she doesn’t always want touch to result in sex. When this reaction happens, she withdraws, he feels frustrated and rejected, and they both often withdraw. Then touch, intimacy, and closeness disintegrates.

The ways to guarantee you both remain centered on the relationship takes some initial conscious thought to begin with before the subconscious takes over and it becomes habitual and simply enjoyable.

When sitting on the lounge (together), walking or even when out at dinner – hold hands. When we touch our partners hand it is a sign of intimacy, to feel them, to connect physically, to be with them.

When was the last time you walked past each other in the hallway or kitchen, stopped, leant over and gave them a light kiss on their cheek or lips? Do this often so you can both stop, notice and feel the other person close to you. Cuddle them either while sitting together, standing or when lying in bed before sleep. Have a rule this does not lead to sex all the time, in fact, sex perhaps should be once or maybe twice a week if life and kids are full on. Discuss this and come to an understanding as this can take the pressure off both of you.

Touch and rub your partners arm or leg either when sitting together or lying next to each other. Cuddling and holding your partner can always be a great connection. Cuddles make us feel noticed and appreciated, they make us feel loved, wanted and cared for. It releases those feel good hormones we all enjoy.

Spend time looking into your partner’s eyes, not staring for hours but when speaking, look at them. Many people are amazed when they consciously count the minutes each day they actually have eye contact with their partner; it is little. We talk, move around, listen, yet do not spend the time to look at their eyes and engage them. It is important to have eye contact with our partner. This demonstrates we are interested in what they are saying and are listening to them; they too can see our body language and feel connected with us.


1. hold hands

2. kiss your partner on the cheek or lips softly

3. cuddle

4. rub legs, arms, back of each other

5. look at each other’s eyes

6. smile at them often