Get Connected

The Mother-In-law or Out-law

Monday, Feb 29, 2016

The Mother-In-law or Out-law

Many of us experience issues with the in-laws. Some of us are lucky enough to have great, non-interfering, supportive mother-in-laws. What do you do then if your mother-in-law is like the out-law you want to avoid, yet can’t. She just keeps turning up, causing issues, sticking her nose in or says unwarranted things. So is she your mother-in-law or out-law?

  Your mother-in-law raised your partner; your partner is their baby, their child. Your partner is the child they want to protect against any hurt, disappointment and the child they want the very best for. She raised this person you love. She will be there for each and every celebration, special event, birthday, anything and perhaps everything really.

  A good relationship with your Mother-in-law is important for not only you but for your partner. It is often vital that your partner knows the two most important people in their world do actually like each other, respect each other and can get along well.

  Here are 5 mother-in-law tips to help you all get along  

  1. Treat your mother-in-law with respect; she raised your partner to be the person they are today
Never argue with your mother-in-law or tell her she is wrong or doesn’t understand.   She has been your partner’s parent forever and believes (right or wrong) that she knows them better than you ever will.   Regardless how she treats you, it is imperative you always respect her. She may believe, right or wrong, she is the hierarchal of the family and deserve to be treated in that way.


  1. Include her in Social Media Family posts
  Am easy to ensure your mother-in-law feels like she and you are a family is to include her in family photos by name. If there is a group shot, always remember to #tag her in the description.   And remember to post photos of both sides of the family so one side is not regarded as favoured. And never comment negatively about any member of the family – ever. Seen this too many times, a reaction posted, even withdrawn, remains in their mind forever. It matters not if it is accurate, it should never be public.


  1. Stop assuming you both want the same thing
  Your mother-in-law does not have to be your new best friend. Her position is to like you, trust you will treat her baby with the respect they deserve, that you always place their child’s needs before yours and you will never, never upset their child or make them feel bad.   This is an excellent reason that both partners may decide to keep any quarrel off social media and away from parents unless of course it is really serious and you need to speak to them for advice.


  1. Don’t compare yourself to her
  As soon as we start to compare how well we can do things against how well they can do things, this is asking for trouble and conflict.   Sure their mum maybe an amazing cook, house cleans to sterility grade hospital standard, can sew, is slim, works out; we are not competing against them.   Your partner fell in love with you as you are. If you want to learn more things, gain better skills your mother in law is likely to want to share and teach you. This can be a great bonding experience but only if you want and choose it.


  1. Never tell her she is wrong
  While we all have our perceptions, understanding and experiences, when your mother in law has a difference of opinion, she isn’t wrong – for her.

  Never disregard your mother-in-law’s point of view or opinion as wrong merely because it may differ from yours. This can be a severe error.

  I always suggest thanking them for their opinion or sharing and you will consider it. If you choose to disregard after consideration fine, but always take a moment to consider her opinion, after all, she has been on this planet a longer time than you and may have a view you had not yet considered.

    Our mother-in-law can be great or a problem. Decide what sort of relationship you want with your mother-in-law. Remember they will be your partner’s mother forever; she raised your partner. She will be your children’s Nana. She will be at every celebration and event. Your partner and possibly your children love her and want her in their life. Sometimes it is a matter of swallowing the annoyance, put up with the behaviours, smile, ignore if necessary and close the door behind you to enjoy your family (and the partner they made).   Isn’t family so great :)